Intro to my Story

I want to tell you my story. I must admit, that this is a very big step for me, that as I write these words my heart is beating faster than ever. That there are very few people to whom I have shown what I am about to shout out to the world today.

I want to tell you that when I saw myself in the mirror, I criticized myself, I hated myself. I hated myself so much, that I hurt myself with words, pretty much every time I was in front of a mirror. If I dared for a moment to listen and feel myself, I would feel very sad, very lonely, and crying loudly inside. So, I preferred not to allow myself to feel.

I reached my 29th birthday heavier than ever. At that time, I didn't have the conscience to know what or why I was feeling this way. But for telling this part of the story, I need to start from further back.

I had a very nice childhood, I thank life for the mom it gave me and the grandparents I had. Yes, my dad, he wasn't in my life very much, but my mom and grandparents filled me with SO much love that I don't think I felt like I was missing anyone when I was little… well, I actually got a dad in my teenage years. Anyway, from my grandmother and my mom I learned to be a fighter, but most of all, to work very hard and to give all of me to the people I love.

"To give all of me"... ufff, this brought me good and bad times in life. From a very young age, from my first love, from my first job, from my first volunteering, and from many first experiences, I gave it ALL, my passion, my love, my laughter, my tears, my time, without asking for anything in return. But what I didn't learn is that in order to give it all, I had to start with myself.

How do I do that? What is that? Why don't I give everything to myself, if I do it so easily with others? The truth is that I never learned to love myself until not too long ago.

When I was 21 years old I started living alone, since I left Caracas, I left my whole life behind. What I didn't know was everything that was waiting for me to learn. I came to live to Barcelona, and after 7 years I went to Berlin, then Paris, Berlin again, and then the United States. I will tell you all the story of moving and experiences later on, but now, I will stop at the last two places I mentioned: Berlin and the United States.

This second time living in Berlin, I gained 10 kilos in only 3 months, I felt alone, VERY alone. I was working from home, and I didn't move because it was winter and I had no one to go out with. As I said, I felt alone, but above all, I felt sad. I hid my kilos inside my winter jackets. Then, I decided Berlin was not for me, and since I had nothing to lose anymore, it was time for me to try my dream to live in the USA. 

I did it, I went to do my Master's degree in Miami. Here I was adapting to my new group of friends. I decided I wanted to look for a partner, but I didn't feel good about myself, and I hid by going to many parties with a lot of wine, and my weight got more and more affected. I tried Tinder in the 3 cities I lived at: Miami, Atlanta, and San Francisco. I don't know how I dared if I didn't like myself; why I would punish myself after every first date by watching everyone ghosting me. I felt I was in the most superficial world I had ever experienced, so I decided to go back to Europe, and I went back to Berlin.

This time, I was in Berlin to thank the city and the universe for reuniting me with my soul mate. Yes, despite still having the highest number on the scale I had ever had, in July 2018 I met Stephan. Someone who loved me for my values and for my personality. Someone who saw the person I stopped seeing in myself. He, without knowing it, reminded me of that Rebecca that I left behind long ago.

Stephan proposed to me in June 2019 and it was at that moment that I said to myself ¨Rebeca, I don't want to hate you in my wedding photos, I don't want to, I want to love you, I want to find you again¨.

That's when my work began. I found a guide who helped me with personalized coaching sessions for 4 months. In those 4 months, I managed to lose my first 9 kilos. Then, those personalized sessions became a "challenge", it was a method with the same trainer, but with a community of women, where we all had the same menu and the same workouts. 

With her, I learned that change had to start from within. And although her method worked for me during those months, it didn't connect with me in the long term, because it was a lot of food, but with a lot of restrictions, and above all, it was a lot of exercise and time-consuming.

Thanks to her, I met someone who would show me an interest in meditation. So, I started meditating, healing, and discovering a LOT about myself. I found myself, I was reborn.

It was when I felt that rebirth, that I decided to contact another person who would become my guide to get back to flexible nutrition and to show me what is now my lifestyle. 

I now LOVE training, riding my Peloton bike, going out, running, hiking, and eating. Yes, I LOVE eating, and I understand that no food is "bad" and that everything is a balance. I learned to love myself.

In October of this year, Stephan and I will get married, and I know I will love seeing my wedding pictures, not for how I look physically, but, for loving who I am, for loving who I have become, but most of all, for loving and seeing that Rebecca from years ago, from a place of compassion and self-love. I forgave myself for hiding her, and I thanked myself for letting her be again. Most of all, I thank the universe for reuniting me with myself, my inner child, and Stephan, the person who has been living this journey with me. 

Now, I am facing one of my biggest fears: to share “my before” and my present, and although you will see a lot of physical change, the most important is the inner work behind, the one you can't see in photos. My before face: sad, insecure, coming from a place of self-hate, but the best of my present: my smile reflecting my re-birth.

My intention is to tell you a little bit of my story every week, hoping that it will empower others to find their own path and to let you know that you are not alone.